Mommy vs. Me - One year to find balance or bust!: children

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I saw a shrink last night...

I saw a shrink last night, or at least my alter-ego's, Booth and Brennan, did. It's a very curious thing how I feel so connected to two characters who obviously have no commonalities. This episode was just after Brennan let her boyfriend leave on a sailboat to the Caribbean. Booth and Brennan were fighting like cats and dogs and so Booth suggested they see his (FBI appointed) shrink. The shrink deduced that both of them felt guilty about it because they thought she stayed behind because of Booth. The shrink said...she didn't. HA!

I don't know if that makes sense...maybe you should watch this episode. And check out the one before it too, so you can have a general picture.

Anywho...I can definitely feel the sexual tension between them. It seems to me that they are attracted to each other because of their polar-opposite views of, well, EVERYTHING.

Isn't it always the case that the grass seems so much more green on the other side? When we're looking from the outside-in, we don't see the weeds or the fire ants or the countless hours of maintenance that goes into that impeccable, golf-course-esque yard. NOPE! All we see are shade trees for napping under and sunny places for frolicking in!

I guess I'm at the point where having a career seems very provocative. But the big "mommy-heart" within me is feeling dreadfully guilty at the thought of hiring a Nanny for the summer. I feel greedy, selfish, materialistic and cold.

But then if I look at it from another point-of-view, I feel like the sacrifices I make now will benefit us in the long run because we will be able to provide more opportunities for the boys. We'll be able to show them what a stable home-life is like and nurture them without the worry of financial crap crashing in around us. I mean, no one wants to be buried in debt! We all WANT to do well for our children and show them how easy it is to be successful.

But at what cost?

There is always a cost. Brennan perhaps lost the only man that was going to accept her as her robotic, socially awkward self. And Booth, well I don't know what the cost is going to be for him. Perhaps his sanity.

I could get much deeper into this, I'm sure. But I need to prepare for Wubulous-Wednesday and, of course, watch some Bones before I go to bed.

Balance (illusive bastard!) or Bust!

posted under alter-ego, Bones, booth, brennan, career, children, cold, debt, grass is greener, greedy, materialistic, point of view, selfish, shrink, wubulous wednesday | 0 Comments

Day One - Today I'm in love with my children

I had an epiphany today. My girlfriends and I are constantly struggling with our identities. Are we "Mommy," are we "wifey," are we who we think we are or who we want to be?

For me the struggle began in 2006; I felt as though I was merely a milkmaid for my first born son. He nursed so often that I could hardly eat enough to keep my energy up! On the plus side - I lost my baby weight very quickly, but I also ended up resenting him for "taking away" my previous identity.

Then came my twins in 2007. They were born nine weeks prematurely. I dove right in to that circumstance and lost myself in the drama of a long hospital stay, pumping around the clock to provide milk for them and balancing my home life so that my oldest son did not feel left out.

Now, the twins are 27 months old and my oldest is four years old. It is still a struggle to be a good mommy and not have selfish, "I have lost myself and I want to run away" moments.

My girlfriends and I struggle with this daily and talk about it often. So I am making it my year-long obsession to attempt to find the balance between being Mommy (and a damn good one at that) and being Me (and a damn good one too!)

posted under being a wife, children, find myself, having kids, having sons, identity, kids, lost myself, mommy, motherhood, sons | 0 Comments

Lost & Found

Ever feel like the woman you used to be got buried in an avalanche and cut off from all human contact...almost like Tom Hanks in that one movie where he befriended a volleyball named Spaulding? Actually, he was plane-wrecked not buried...but anyway! The avalanche I'm speaking of (in my case) is Mommyhood, Wifeyhood and all the complexities that come along with being responsible for people other than yourself! I vow to spend the next year discovering, nurturing and sharing habits that will help me (and you) to find balance between being the woman we once were and being the June Cleaver of the modern day world. Here's to Balance...or Bust!