I'd have to say that I'm generally NOT an easily addicted person...but I've found that shopping is an addiction. So is the television show Bones. And, to be grossly honest, during the Christmas season, I was quite addicted to Coquito. (If you have never tried it, be very, VERY careful...it is decadent, loaded with rum and goes down smooth!)

In my past (pre-Mommy) life, I was not addicted to anything. I greatly enjoyed a lot of things like surfing, running, weight-lifting...kicking the guys' asses that couldn't keep up with me on company runs!!! OORAH!

*ahem*

I enjoyed motorcycle riding, road trips...you know, lots of stuff that I will not do again until my three sons are teenagers or moved out! (At least there is hope!)

Which got me to thinking: why am I so addicted to shopping and Bones? Well, the obvious reason for any shopping addiction is the instant gratification one gets from snagging an on-trend pair of pumps or a stunning new blouse that SCREAMS LOVE ME, TAKE ME HOME! Bagging a beautiful, one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry is an absolutely orgasmic experience and getting a great deal on a wardrobe staple...like the AWESOME black trench I got ($350 price tag - snagged it for $30.) Heaven? Well, for me, that's as close as it comes!

As for my addiction to Bones, I guess it's because the main characters are sort of versions of me...I'm like Dr. Brennan (but shy a few IQ points) in that I am pretty fairly independent, value intelligent conversation and can sometimes be a bit cold. (True confession, don't judge.) I'm like Booth (without the penis and mucho HOT, rippling muscles) in that I'm a people person and totally enjoy connecting and having an emotional response to every moment I experience. 

The polarity between the characters is dramatic...yet you can see through watching the series that they compliment each other perfectly. Maybe this whole mommy vs me thing is just another dramatic polarity thing. Opposites attract or whatever...

Anyway, here's to finding Balance...or Bust!

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

Okay, my whole point with this passage from Shakespeare is this: perhaps I have not LOST myself to "mommyhood." Perhaps I have just found another plane on which to express myself.

I am at home, sans hubby and children. It's just me and the dog. And it's quiet. The only sounds around are the humming refrigerator and my acrylic nails tapping on the keyboard (which, honestly is a very ANNOYING sound if you ask me.)

I went for a lovely run, did some intervals, push-ups, triceps dips, lunges etc. Then I came back home and had a deliciously long warm shower. While I was showering it struck me that I sort of missed the interruptions of little eyes peaking around the curtain to say, "hi Mommy, what doin'?" It felt weird to not have my "Spidey-sense" activated, listening for the tell-tale screams of a brother being pushed, hit or robbed of a toy by another brother.

So where am I? Seriously? I'm here, without my kids, so am I Mommy now? Or am I simply Me? Tony is at work, so am I still Wife?

My conclusion is this...I am none of those, yet still all of them. Right now I am playing a part, acting as "solo mio" (or whatever). When I pick my kids up from their cousin's house, I'll lace up my Mommy boots and play that part. When Tony gets home I will pull on my Wife costume and play that part.

As for finding balance between all these parts that I'm playing, I have yet to find it. However, I think that realizing that I am always Me, just sometimes wearing a different hat, was a big step towards finding balance.

What parts do you play? How often do you find yourself changing roles? Which character do you enjoy playing?

Let me know!

Here's to it...Balance or Bust!

Well, I got a nice jog in this morning with the girls. But not without a bunch of static from the hubby.

So not only am I fighting with my kids to get some me-time, I'm fighting with my husband too. Ergh! Does being a woman always have to be such a struggle? Why can't going for a jog be a simple thing?

A little background: Tony and I have only been married for like two weeks. Before we got married, I simply had to tell him I would be back in an hour...never had to tell him who, what, where, when or why. All of a sudden, my first morning back on the track and he says, "You didn't even ask me!" WHAT? ASK you? I never had to ask before...such crap.

Anyway, regardless of the emotional ramifications of taking this last hour to run with my two best friends, I feel physically AWESOME! My body has been longing to hit the trail and the high I'm on right now shall not be spoiled by a rotten husband. (Yeah, it's not even the kids whining today...it's the big kid, Tony!)

Off to take a shower!

Balance or Bust!